my back is turned on you....

i never seem to understand anything anymore. i put so much into everything, and get nothing in return. i wish there was an easy way to tell someone you like them, a simple way to say it without getting hurt in the process. sometimes i look at where i am now and wish that i was a little kid again, with no worries, no "grown" up issues. im so close to just giving up on so many different things but at the same time i really dont want too. i want to keep things the way they seem to be going even though im really aware that im hurting myself. 

ive seen more of my friends change for the worse since this year started a month ago. however for some reason i  havent seen anything wrong with this year, ive lost some friends, made a stronger connection with someone who now means a great deal to me, and got my best friends back to where we should be. im content my last year in this town is going exactly how it should, and i couldnt be any happier.  so then why am i so upset? for the first time ive realized exactly what i want out of life, and im so mad at the fact that its right in front of me but whenever i reach out for it i cant get it, its like something is making it step back everytime i try to reach for it. 

im moving forward with a better attitude, im writing this for myself, so i can relocate myself. since i seem to have lost who i am in the last week. hopefully, this well get me to reconnect with the person ive grown up into. 

maybe, maybe not ? well see